Last Saturday evening a 63 year old man dressed as a viking reportedly lifted his fur skirt to expose his “not so” broadsword to two women sitting at the bar at the Newton Marriot. Police were called and the Mashpee man now faces charges.
For all those considering exposing themselves as a career, I’ve created “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Degenerates” to assist you in your climb to the top.
1. Be Proactive
Hand out business cards with a catchy call name. This is the mark of a professional and could lead to future bookings.
2. Begin with the end in mind
Wait for a wink or nod from the visual recipient to ensure that they are onboard.
3. Put First Things First
If your man parts come to mid-thigh because of age and not endowment, keep them tucked away, your hay day has passed.
4. Think Win/Win
To “Wow” the client wait for warm weather or move to a tropical climate.
5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Not everyone has the same needs. Here are a few subtle cues that your services may not be needed:
~She is with her partner.
~She exhibits good taste.
~She is hanging out anywhere but in an alley.
~She is a woman.
6. Synergize
If your club attire includes, well... a club and a fur skirt, The Machine might be a better venue for your act.
7. Sharpen the Saw
This one goes without saying.
Most importantly know that your need to expose yourself comes from your generous spirit. Give with an open heart and you will always be well received.
