On December 15th my mother will turn 70 years old. As a birthday gift I have planned a vacation for us. When I told her about the trip she asked if I could buy her a bathing suit with an American Flag on it. It seemed an odd request since I have not seen my mother in a bathing suit since 1974. So, I asked what was driving this need. She said, “If I am going to fly I want everyone to know that I support the TSA and our country in their effort to keep airline passengers safe. I will wear the bathing suit through airport security.”
I cannot express to you the pride I felt in my mother at that moment. She has always been a certain kind of crazy but to have that crazy focused and with purpose had me smiling with the glee of a pubescent boy at a cheerleading rally. Some of my joy was also derived from the fact that I rarely agree with my mother on national affairs of any sort. I have her back on this one! (Which, once clad in a bathing suit may not be the best angle but, I’m there none-the-less!)
We are a nation of whiners. We want it all and wish to sacrifice little to get it. We want our government to ensure our safety, yet do not think that we should assist or be inconvenienced in anyway in that effort. Those who oppose the new regulations feel that it violates civil liberties including the right to privacy and Freedom of Religion! Freedom of Religion?! Oh yeh, that’s the catch all! If you are asked to do something you don’t want to do throw out the “Freedom of Religion” card. It hurls people into a defenseless, hunched Gollum pose. I am not sure what religion the new regulation violates. Must be some archaic christian, fondling before marriage thing. Let me say this; if fondling passengers or running them through scanners prevents the plane I am on from becoming a “Weapon of Mass Destruction”, grope, poke, peak away!
Recently a passenger in San Diego threatened the TSA officer with, “If you touch my junk, I’ll have you arrested”. First, if you prize your penis to the extent that you will have a man who is simply doing his job arrested if he touches it, perhaps you should not call it “junk”. Second, since only 16% of men have what is considered a large penis (measuring over 6.1” when erect), the odds are that you are not a member of said population and should not be so full of yourself. And finally, if in fact you are a minority (and by this I mean part of the 16%) and packing a Patriot Missile, I think that you owe it to other passengers to put it out there like a road-side attraction. Don’t be so damned selfish!
I realize that there are women who may view the search or scan as a violation of their privacy. I am a survivor of a violent crime that included sexual assault. I do not consider myself a victim and I believe that being offended by anything in life is a choice. I do not think that I have been desensitized. I don’t let external forces have that much influence on who I am or how I feel. Consider this; if we don’t allow the TSA to enforce these regulations, how can you be sure a terrorist with hot underwear won’t get on your plane and blow your precious bajingo to smithereens? Snap out of it!
That said, I look forward to my flight on December 14th out of Logan with my 70 year old mother, both prepared for our TSA search in our Patriotic swimsuits!
Word of the Day
drivel liveries (dri-vuhl) (liv-uh-reez)
-noun
Characteristic dress that mocks meaningless thinking of the masses.
